this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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