I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
