i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
