I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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