So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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