Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
