just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
