Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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