No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
