Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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