Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just google imaged poop.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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