please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
