Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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