I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
