Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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