i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
