Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
