Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
