woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
