It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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