your parents love me but you hate me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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