theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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