i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You ruined the universe
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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