wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
