A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
