He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
