my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
