I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize