I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think my fart just growled at me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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