I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
