i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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