Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
