Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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