I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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