He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
