I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
