I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want her autograph on my taint
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
