if you like me you must not know who I am
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
