so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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