There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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