two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
