I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
