okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
