if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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