she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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