shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
