Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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