i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
