I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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