White coat. Heels.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I puked a lego.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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