OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
