You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
