Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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