babies were throwing up all over the place
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
