Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
