So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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