you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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