I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
