I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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