I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
