hell yes lets make some ravioli
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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