watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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