Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
