Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
