then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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