Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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