hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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