You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
