Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
