How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
