You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
