She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
