textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
