Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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