The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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