I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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