yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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