how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
