i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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